What About Your Friends?!

It's natural that when experiencing difficulty in our lives, we turn to the people we may consider friends for a shoulder to lean on and/or a set of listening ears. It is the expectation that friends are honest (if seeking advice) but many times, its not advice that is being saught but more so a sounding board.

When friends come to me with their issues & concerns, heavily burdened with life's troubles, I do my best to make sure that I listen first & talk last, express concern and care with the words & tone that I use while being honest & showing compassion for their situation, always demonstrating love & support regardless of my personal opinions/thoughts. But most importantly, I remind them of the power of prayer & redirect them to consult with a Higher Power. I am ever mindful of the fact that sharing such an intimate part of their lives is not a requirement of our friendship yet I respect & honor that they trusted me enough to do so and wouldn't want to lose that trust.

With that being said, it's so important that we are careful in whom we seek counsel. Everyone is not a friend. Everyone does not have our best interests at heart. People will tell you to leave your marriage, end a relationship, quit a job or give directives that they themselves would not follow if given the same situation. People want to know all of your "stuff" while remaining secretive about their own. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people can't be trusted. Nor am I saying don't have friends. What I am saying is that it's important to be careful about what details of your lives are shared with others.

A friend does not poke & pry or is overly concerned about the details of what is wrong in your life but is satisfied with just knowing that whatever the situation is, you are okay. A true friend is someone who allows you to be your most real self. Friends are non-judgmental. They are the people who come in when the rest of the world has gone out. As my niece says, "it's not about who's real in your face, it's about who's real behind your back". The word friend is not a common word that I use to describe people that I associate with but a word I use to describe a deep connection with people that I love & respect & who I believe in my heart have a mutual, genuine concern for me. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

At the end of the day, God is the source of our strength. He needs to be the one that we turn to because He already knows every intricate part of us, loving us unconditionally; as no one on this Earth can.

17 Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise,
And apply your heart to my knowledge;
18 For it is a pleasant thing if you keep them within you;
Let them all be fixed upon your lips,
19 So that your trust may be in the LORD;
Proverbs 22:17-19

It is good to have friends... But is there a greater friend than He?

2010 in Review

I know it has been a month since I last blogged but as many of you have been especially busy at this time of year, I indeed have been busy as well. In addition, my lap top was held hostage at Geek Squad for about 3 weeks for repairs :( Thankfully, it has been returned to its rightful owner and is working like new although I'm saddened that my entire hard drive had to be replaced. On a brighter note, I pray that you all had a very Merry CHRISTmas and of course remember and honor the true reason for the season. For those of you who also had snow, I hope that you were safe, warm, and somewhere snuggled up with a great cup of hot chocolate (with marshmallows LOL). This will be my final blog for 2010 but no worries, there will definitely be much more writing in 2011 :)

2010 has been a great year! I finally put my fears aside, registered for Graduate school & passed my first class with a 98.57 A. Class resumes in January and I'm eager to continue on this educational path. Also in the Spring of 2010, I became a very proud member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. A lifelong dream has finally come to fruition. #31 of 77 remarkable, anointed, outstanding, dedicated, dynamic women... I can't say enough about my sisters, "77 Wonders of the WWW."... I'm grateful to have them as well as so many additional wonderful sisters in Delta. I continue to maintain my women's group, J.E.W.E.L.S (Joining & Empowering Women of Excellence in Love & Sisterhood) as well as my parent group called P.O.W (Parents of Winners). Admittedly it has been difficult to manage it all & as a result, J.E.W.E.L.S has suffered the most but I'm hopeful that some of my J.E.W.E.L.S women will step up and assist with programming. J.E.W.E.L.S maintains its Facebook page although the meetup group was discontinued. I am hoping that P.O.W will become active on meetup in 2011.

I continue to learn, re-learn, and/or be reminded of valuable lessons about myself, others, and life in general. If you've been reading my blogs, you are familiar with some of these lessons.

One situation I will address in particular is that at the beginning of the summer, there was something that I was lead to do/say to someone with whom I hadn't had contact with in many years. Without question I know in my heart that I was simply following God's instructions. I mention it in my year's review only because it was completely out of character for me so it was a big deal. I realize that while my intentions were genuine and good, it may not have been received well or interpreted correctly. However, it made me realize that even though I have forgiven a person, there's nothing I can do if that person hasn't forgiven me. There was so much divine confirmation about this situation in so many different ways, I can't even begin to explain it all. But I'm mostly grateful for the peace that I received from the encounter. I may not have gotten what I wanted (friendship) but I definitely got what I needed (closure). God is truly amazing! My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner :)

At the end of the day, as I have written before... I am who I am and praying to become MORE of who God would have me to be. I am complicated simplicity, perfectly imperfect and beautifully optimistic. I am so thankful that God is not finished with me and has allowed me to see yet another unpromised day. I'm honest with myself about who I am because I don't want to wake up one morning & not recognize the person in the mirror.

And the truth about me is... I am easy to like but sometimes difficult to get along with. I make mistakes, I'm stubborn but can admit when I'm wrong. Sometimes I may say too much and sometimes I may not say enough. I love with my whole heart because I don't know any better and even when I get upset, I have a hard time expressing anger because I'd rather hurt than hurt someone else. I remember DIFFERENT being one of the first words I knew how to spell. My Grandma always said that I was DIFFERENT but nothing less than amazing. I'm not "tooting my own horn" but I recognize things about myself, positive & negative and I'm not afraid or ashamed of who I am, the experiences I've had or the things I've done because it's all a part of me & my own personal growth. God knew prior to my Earthly existence, just what type of human being I would be & while I could be subconsciously confusing my truths, I somehow doubt that He's completely disappointed ;).

In case some folk didn't get the memo in 2010, here are some things that I want to make clear about myself (with scripture references included)...
1. NOTHING can dim this bright, shining star (Psalm 18:28, Job 33:28, Matthew 5:16)
2. I ain't NEVER scared (Timothy 1:7, Psalm 27:1, Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 23:4)
3. Don't waste your time trying to battle me (Exodus 14:14)
4. All I do is WIN, WIN, WIN (1 Corinthians 15:57)

I do not set New Year's Resolutions because it is my belief that an individual should be in a continual state of growth. Why wait until a particular day to set a goal when there's no time like the present? I am excited & with great expectations for many wonderful things to come. I embrace and welcome all that God has to offer recognizing that He is a God of infinite and unlimited blessings. I pray that you all enjoy a happy, prosperous and peaceful 2011.

Pride & Joy

November 29, 2007 -- 3 years ago on today at 8:45pm, Jayden made his official debut into this world weighing in at a healthy and strong 9lbs, 7oz :) The past 3 years of my life have been incredibly and richly blessed by his presence. Its hard to recall life before him & I definitely can't imagine life without him. He has truly given my life so much more meaning & purpose. This little boy makes me want to be a better human being in every possible way.

Over the last 3 years, we have survived teething, fevers, sleepless nights, viruses, 15 months of breastfeeding, 2 Emergency Room visits and most recently potty training. We have conquered the "terrible twos" although we have not quite yet mastered sleeping in his own bed... that remains a work in progress. But I'm looking forward to ALL that motherhood has to offer.

Jayden is truly my absolute greatest joy! I feel so blessed and honored that God thought enough of me to entrust me with the great responsibility of such an awesome and amazing gift. It is so wonderful to be surrounded by friends and family who share in this joy and further enrich Jayden's life either through their interactions with him or through prayers.

If I've never done anything right and if I never again do another thing right, there is one thing that I did do right WITHOUT question -- Jayden Xavier Woods. Happy Birthday to the best little boy in the world! Mommy loves you beyond measure :)

Give Thanks... Not Just on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

My heart is equally as full as my stomach today, for so many reasons. In the coming days, two beautiful, driven, young women will be laid to rest having recently lost their lives in a tragic car accident in Greenville, NC. I wish we could turn back time but I'm trying so hard to understand that God makes no mistakes. My heart hurts beyond our shared sisterhood in Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. but it hurts as a young woman, a mother, and simply as a human being. I ask that we continue to lift these families up in prayer that God may give them comfort and peace now and forever.

As we can see, life is so very short. There are so many wonderful things for which I am thankful....

My healthy and happy son who is the absolute greatest joy of my life

My family and friends who show me love, support and encourage me to be my very best self

To be a part of the GREATEST sorority in the world and most especially to be one of the 77 Wonders -- these are some anointed, praying women of God who surround me on every side and consistently stand in the gaps

To be employed in a struggling economy which enables me to provide for my son; maintaining our most basic needs & even having the luxury of some of the things we want

I am so thankful to be at peace in my mind & heart about life itself and the experiences that I've had because I know that I know that I know that God is in control of ALL things and is working everything out for my good! There are so many other things that I am thankful for that there simply aren't enough words to fill this blog to truly express what I feel. If I had 10,000 tongues, I couldn't thank Him or praise Him enough! Let us be mindful to give thanks at all times, not just on Thanksgiving.

Who holds the POWER?!

It's amazing how others assume power over our lives & we in turn render ourselves powerless. When the truth of the matter is, there is not another person on God's beautiful, green Earth who has authority over who/what we are, who/what we are becoming, who/what can enter into our lives, and who/what can be taken away from our lives.

It is my own personal belief that it is impossible for someone to take something away from us unless we allow it, especially if it was never originally given to us by them anyway. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

My employer may remove me from my position but I still have the skills to perform the job; skills that will be carried on to the next place of employment. A man may stop loving me or end a relationship with me, but that doesn't mean that I no longer possess the capacity to love again. A coworker, friend, family member, or even some random person may say or do something rude, annoying, or inconsiderate but their behaviors do not dictate my mood or tempo. There are some things that are internal. Some things that simply cannot be taken away. The devil cannot take my peace because Philipians 4:7 says, "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus". The devil cannot destroy my mind because it is written in Romans 12:2, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will". And as the song says, the devil cannot take my joy because "This joy that I have... the world didn't give it to me and the world can't take it away!".

Webster's Dictionary defines power as legal or official authority, capacity, or right; possession of control, authority, or influence over others. Let us be mindful of WHO we give power and authority to in our lives. It's okay to "take back what the devil stole" but we must ask ourselves, how did he get it in the first place?! ;)

Give credit to WHOM credit is due!

I think we give ourselves too much credit.

We act as if we achieve and possess things because of our own doing. We tend to credit earning degrees with studying hard, financial success with working hard, home ownership with a good credit score along with a substantial savings account, and beautiful families with good mate selection and good genes. We often forget and/or don't acknowledge the fact that none of these things would be possible without God.

My son is happy & healthy not JUST because of awesome parenting but MOSTLY because God keeps him safe, protected, and surrounded by love. I am employed in a tough economy not JUST because I am skillful, knowledgeable, and experienced in my career but MOSTLY because God has placed me at this particular job at this very time for a divine purpose. I am currently working on my Master's degree not JUST because I finally decided upon and applied to a program but MOSTLY because God has a greater plan for my life that includes higher education. It's even as simple as the fact that I do not wake up in the morning JUST because I set an alarm clock but ABSOLUTELY because God touches me, allowing me to breathe, granting me the opportunity & grace of another day!

Let us not mistake WHO really pays the mortgage, car note, daycare and all of those unexpected expenses. Let us not forget WHO allowed us to move up the corporate ladder, obtain degrees, and/or become entrepreneurs. Let us not forget WHO blessed us with beautiful children and family & friends who support and encourage us to be our best selves. Let us not be foolish enough to believe that we play the lead role in our lives and God acts as a supporting character but let us humble ourselves and be wise enough to understand that it is truly the other way around. Nothing happens by our own doing but simply because God is who He is... AWESOME!

I pray to always remember who deserves all the credit for my life. Luke 1:37 says, "Nothing is impossible with God" & Matthew 19:26 reads, "With God, all things are possible". WOW! Ain't that something?! Please take the time out each and every day to give credit to WHOM credit is due.

Weather (Whether) or Not

It has become routine to check the weather channel for the forecast. I downloaded an application for it on my Blackberry that allows me to view the 10 day, daily or hourly forecast. It helps me plan how to dress Jayden, what I'm going to wear myself, what types of activities I can plan for & when (can't have a picnic in the rain), what I may eat that day (because if its hot outside, I probably won't be eating a big bowl of soup), & even what type of hairstyle my hair can tolerate (the summer heat was hard on the afro).

The weather somehow has a way of changing or dictating our moods also. If it's cold and dreary outside, our mood can feel blah or sad. If it's thundering and lighting, we sometimes feel scared. And if the weather is bright & sunny, we might feel cheery and upbeat.

These same attitudes are transferred to the spiritual aspects of our lives. When things are going "right" & the sun is shining bright, we are happy. But when the things are going "wrong" & the storms are raging, we feel discouraged, depressed, and even hopeless. We forget that we own umbrellas, raincoats, or rain boots. We forget that we have flash lights & candles in case the power goes out. We forget that we are already internally equipped to not just handle the storm but survive it. Most importantly we forget WHO is protecting us & keeping us safe during the storm. Our focus becomes so much about the storm & what kind of damage it is predicted to do, that we lose ourselves in the madness of it all instead of just being still, patient, and riding the storm out.

I've only been in this world for 31 years. But from my experience, I recall that storms are temporary. There have been storms that have come through my life that felt like Hurricane Katrina. New Orleans may not ever really be the same, just as there are situations that occur in our lives that may cause us to not ever really be the same. But just like New Orleans, my storms have only made me better, stronger, & more beautiful. They have given me a perspective I may not have ever before been able to grasp or understand. I have learned not to always run inside for shelter from the rain because perhaps it is just God's way of cleansing me from the impurities of this world & from the things that simply need to be washed away from my life. Instead, I utilize the opportunity to dance in the rain; accepting it at face value, not focusing on the losses but appreciating the gains.

The songwriter said...
Though the storms keep on raging in my life,
and sometimes it's hard to tell my night from day.
Still that hope that lies within is reassured
as I keep my eyes upon the distant shore;
I know He'll lead me safely to that
blessed place He has prepared

But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing in my life,
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.

I realize that sometimes in this life
you're gonna be tossed by the waves
and the currents that seem so fierce,
but in the word of God I've got an anchor;
and it keeps me steadfast and unmovable
despite the tide.

But if the storms don't cease,
and if the wind keeps on blowing in my life,
my soul has been anchored in the Lord.


While I may check the forecast, I cannot completely rely on its accuracy. There have been many times I prepared for a cold day only to find myself peeling off layers of clothing as well as days that I prepared for a sunny day, thankful to have an umbrella in the trunk of my car. The weather is unpredictable. However, one thing remains certain and dependable -- and that's the anchor that I have in a God who can bring a rainbow to any grey cloud, a God who specializes in weathering storms, a God who has a PhD in Meteorology! We must learn to develop a "weather (whether) or not" spirit... Whether or not I have a brand new car, whether or not I can keep up with the "Joneses", whether or not I'm married, whether or not people are talking about me behind my back, whether or not my employment is ending, whether or not my back is against the wall... I'm still going to give God all the praise, glory, and honor. I may have been damaged by some storms, but I am not destroyed.

When you have SUNSHINE on the inside, there is no rain cloud, no thunderstorm, or hurricane that can disrupt your true forecast.