God is STILL in Control

2012 (maybe even slightly before that) came in with a bang... seems that life has truly been happening to me & not exactly in the greatest of ways. Nevertheless, I am thankful to be alive because I recognize that some folk didn't get that opportunity this year or even this morning. It was my intention to send a Happy New Year blog as well as a Valentine's Day blog but I've been so busy with work, school, Jayden, & DST that I have very little time for much else. Admittedly, I have neglected myself in many areas -- hitting the gym, writing, open mics/poetry (being in my element) and just having real down time. There are friends whom I haven't spoken with or spent time with, certainly not due to lack of love. I'm behind on most things & have been playing catch up; a paper due tomorrow for class and one past due that I didn't turn it yet plus I have notes/documentation to complete for work. I took 4 days off of work week before last to "gather myself" and outside of finding a new school for Jayden & joining a new gym, I did absolutely nothing but lay on my couch most days. Physically, my body has been trying to catch up with all the other aspects of my life that have been moving quite quickly & with unexpected challenges. I have been mentally and emotionally drained. For those who know me well know that generally speaking, I am not a cryer at least not about my own personal issues. But one Friday night while Jayden was with his dad and I alone with a pounding headache, stomach ache, heart racing and feeling like I was having an anxiety attack -- literally laid flat on my back on my living room floor & found myself crying uncontrollably. It wasn't even clear exactly what I was crying about except that I was overwhelmed for many reasons & exhausted on many levels.

I think back on past situations that have occurred in my life that were difficult to understand and go through at the time but by the grace of God, I did so I have to remind myself that if He did it before, surely He will do it again. And back then, my relationship with Christ wasn't nearly as strong as it has become now. I don't just know the Lord because of what my Grandma told me or what I heard at church but because I've experienced Him for myself & His word penetrates to my soul; lives deeply on the inside of me. Besides that, if it never rained, how would I grow? I realize that there will be challenges in life. At the end of the day, I will stand triumphant over any challenges that confront me; big or small.

Many times I write these blogs NOT about myself personally but generally speaking about life or maybe even about something someone else is going through & has shared with me. But today, I am indeed writing about myself. I am always willing & eager to empower, uplift, & encourage others but sometimes I need those same things for myself. I realize though that its so necessary to just breathe... take time for myself.. because its impossible to be good to anyone if I'm not good to myself. I look at my son every day... he warms my heart, gives my life so much purpose. He motivates me to press forward despite whatever the circumstances, despite however fatigued or discouraged I may feel because it is not only my responsibility or obligation to him as his mother but it is my personal goal/desire to give him the best life that I can possibly give. Truly, I love that kid like I love my next breath!

A friend's Facebook status a little while ago stated, "GOD can't be GOD if you're always trying to play HIS position. KNOW YOUR ROLE". As clearly stated in my blog site title, I am a major control freak. I try to control every single thing when the fact of the matter is, I can't. When things are going well, God is in control. When things aren't going well, God is still in control. In the grand scheme of things, if my life were equivalent to a movie, while I may be the leading actress, God is the writer, producer, director... He coordinates the cast of characters included in the story as well as their duration in the film.

My faith is not wavered. My love for Him grows stronger each day. I've accepted that its okay for me to cry sometimes because even in my brokenness, I am made whole simply because of God's unconditional love & care for me. I will praise Him in good times as well as in the storm. I pray that you all know Him for yourself & trust in his perfect plan. Despite whatever the circumstances, He is still very much in control.

The Power of Words & Prayer

Something happened yesterday that gave me a greater understanding of the power of words. An old friend of mine called to catch up. Shortly into our conversation, she revealed that her teenage son was recently diagnosed with Leukemia. My heart immediately sank & tears began to fall from my eyes. Nevertheless, she was so upbeat & so much of her "normal" self even asking me not to cry; reassuring me that everything is going to be all right. She shared how recent this occurred & the series of events surrounding it all and hearing the story, anyone would realize that God is truly in the midst. Odd thing is she wasn't necessarily calling to inform me of her son's health status. However, she was calling because I had not blogged or sent out a "THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK" in a while. She shared with me how she looks forward to receiving those emails because its so inspiring & encouraging. She told me that I was gifted... from on high... and this made me cry even more (as I cry just in writing this). Writing for me has always been a therapeutic release. Even on Facebook & Twitter, I make a conscious effort to post positive status updates because I know that there is always someone out there who needs an encouraging word. And I believe my "THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK" is a word given to me from God to share with others. When I write, my prayer is for the Lord to use me. So many people have recently requested certain topics, inquired about when the next one is coming or like this person, told me how inspirational these writings are to their lives. As flattering as it is, I can't take the credit because I know that it is indeed a gift. I truly thank God for allowing me to be a vessel. In saying all of that, I think it's so important that we are mindful of our exchanges with people & how we use our words. The Bible says "Life & death is in the power of the tongue" Proverbs 18:21.

I also believe in the power of prayer. All too often, people come to us with heavy hearts and problems & we say, "girl, I'm gonna be praying for you" or "you are in my prayers". And while we have good intentions, we may actually forget to seriously pray for them. One of my best friends, Trasha, will stop what she's doing and say a prayer for you like nobody's business. And so will my line sister Chariss... Yesterday, I was so emotional from the call, I hung up with my friend without praying with her so I ask you all to pray with me as I pray for us all...

Mighty, Awesome, Amazing God
I humbly come to you with Thanksgiving & praise in my heart
Thanking you for this yet unpromised day
Thank you for the usage of my limbs, a beating heart, & blood flowing through my veins Jesus
I'm just so thankful that my name is not in the obituaries this morning Father
I thank you for the happy, healthy child you've given me
Thank you for being Jehovah Jireh, my provider -- food on the table, roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, & a job to go to every day
Thank you for surrounding us with positive energy, keeping us safe from hurt, harm & danger
Protecting us physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually
Lord God I just thank you for simply being who you are & doing what ONLY you can do

Precious Savior I pray that you touch every heart aligned with mine in prayer
Bless each & every soul God
Help us to be encouraged & know that despite whatever the circumstances may be, we must have faith in knowing that you are in control of ALL things
God give us the strength & the wisdom to lead our children by example because not only do they hear what we say but most importantly they see what we do
Let us all be reminded to show kindness to one another in our daily interactions because we never know the struggles that someone else is facing

Restore those who are broken
Renew their spirits with unspeakable joy
Rejuvenate their souls from deep within that they may walk in confidence & peace
Resurrect the life that they are living so that they aren't living dead God because there are so many of us being held in spiritual captivity & emotional bondage Lord

Bless those who can't help themselves
Bless our children Jesus
Bless our economy that more people may have jobs & be able to provide for their families
Bless those out in the street who may not have a home to go to every night
Bless all of your children Father
Bless our President that he may continue to lead our nation with integrity & decency
Bless our Pastors that they may lead us in the proper ways of following you God

Father God I especially pray for my friend's son
I pray that you heal his body from Leukemia and any other ailments that plague him
Restore him to optimal health; better than even before God
Please allow him to enjoy his young life & to have the opportunity to grow into a man
And while he's in & out of the hospital, please keep his spirits high
May there always be a smile on his face & may he know you for himself Lord
Comfort & encourage his family; especially his mom & dad as they press through this difficult time

Gracious God please help us to all be better people
Help us to embrace the purpose that you have set for our lives & to never forget that our destiny is greatness
Although we may not always understand, help us to accept your perfect will

Lord God I thank you for your son Jesus...
I thank you for his life, his death, & his resurrection
Help us to LIVE as reflections of the one who DIED for us
We thank you for everything you've done, everything you're doing & we thank you in advance for the abundance of blessings to come
We pray to continue to be recipients of your love, grace, & mercy Father
These and all other blessings we ask in the MATCHLESS name of Jesus

Amen.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is such a wonderful time of year. While there are some grinches, most people appear to be in the Christmas spirit. This time of year is somewhat difficult for me because 6 years ago, my Grandma was called home to be with the Lord. And while I understand that she couldn't live forever, selfishly, I just wish she was still here with me. Nevertheless, I enjoy spending time with my family & most especially watching Jayden open presents & play. A couple of years ago, I started a tradition of having a cake that says "Happy Birthday Jesus" and teaching Jayden about why we celebrate Christmas (the birth of Christ). We light candles on the cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. While I am aware of the technicalities of the fact that December 25th is a man made date of celebration & not the actual date that Christ was born, it is universally celebrated as such. Next year, when Jayden is 5 & has a better understanding of things, he will pick some of his gently used toys to donate to kids in a shelter. Its so important that he is taught the true meaning of Christmas... that its not all about toys, Santa, and getting things but about giving, love, family and most importantly Christ. How would you like it if on your birthday, everyone got presents but you? How would you like it if on your birthday, a party was thrown in your honor but you didn't get invited? Let us all be reminded of who we are celebrating today.

"For unto us, a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is and has always been my favorite holiday. It's a time for family; a time to spend with the people we love most. What an incredible & delicious bonus that this day is spent feasting on a spread of fried turkey, baked turkey, ham, dressing, gravy, macaroni & cheese, collard greens, green bean casserole, candied yams, potato salad, deviled eggs, chicken pastry, sweet potato pie, banana pudding, german chocolate cake, and carrot cake (Yep, that's what we had LOL). As tasty as all that was, its the love & laughter that means the most.

There are so many things I am thankful for:
** life, health & strength
** having a relationship with God because if I didn't know the Lord, I'm not sure where I would be...
** my son Jayden who is very happy, healthy, & turns 4 years old next week :)
** Jesus because he thinks I'm "to die for"
** My Heavenly Father who gives me unconditional love
** brand new mercies every day
** my family who despite whatever issues we may have make me happy to be a Morgan & proud to have some of Cora Mae's blood running through my veins
** employment in a troubled economy -- roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, cars to drive
** "The 77 Wonders" & all of my Sorors of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
** Body of Christ Church family
** true friends... you know who you are..
** the gifts that God has given me; the direction & instructions that He has given me to use those gifts
** discernment, deliverance, & forgiveness
** peace... Ain't nothing like it. (Philippians 4:7)
** love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
** poetry, REAL music, art, laughter, running barefoot in the country on a hot summer day, fried green tomatoes, Grandma's wisdom, priceless memories... all the simple & beautiful things in life

I could go on and on writing about the countless things & ways for which I am thankful. If I had 10,000 tongues it still wouldn't be enough to express the sincere gratitude and thanks that I hold in my heart. Let us all make sure that we do not wait until Thanksgiving to show our thanks ;)

"For every mountain YOU brought me over, for every trial YOU have seen me through, for every blessing -- hallelujah... for this Lord, I give YOU praise."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Finish STRONG

On September 24th, I participated in my first 5k race. 10 weeks prior, I joined NCRC - North Carolina Roadrunner's Club (http://www.ncroadrunners.org) to prepare. These women are fantastic! The encouragement & support was beyond anything I could have anticipated. I've connected with & built lasting relationships as a result.

Although a former athlete, it had been a long while since I had actually run. Participating in aerobic classes, hitting the elliptical & treadmill at the gym and even running behind a very active 3 year old does not compare to running outside on a trail in 95 degree (or more) heat. The training was rough but I tried to make it to as many practice runs as possible.

Race day arrived... thankfully fall had also arrived & the heat was gone. It was actually a little chilly & rainy. In route, I started to skip out & go shopping instead. Even as I drove into the parking lot, I almost convinced myself to turn around because I hadn't yet paid or registered for the event. But then I remembered this run was for a great cause (against domestic violence) & thought about all the reasons I needed to be here and needed to support this cause. Not only that, I had made a committment to myself & needed to follow through.

I went inside, paid my registration fee, got my number, took pics with the group and when it was time to line up and run, I did :) Throughout the run, there were volunteers guiding us in the right direction, handing us water & saying, "great job ladies" or "just a little further to go" and "you can do it". It felt so good to hear those words. All the discouragement felt earlier in the morning had disappeared. I was energized and optimistic... felt like I could run any marathon; felt like I could accomplish anything. I couldn't see the finish line but knowing it was there gave me hope. I wasn't concerned about who was going to beat me, I was simply concerned about making it to the end.

Finally turning the last corner and seeing the big FINISH sign made me feel so very proud. Despite the initial fear & hesitation, despite the pains in my legs, despite the fact that there were others who passed me, and despite the rain, despite the gasping for breaths... I made it. Crossed the finish line at 39 minutes & 31 seconds. It was an overwhelming feeling of pride, happiness, hope and so many other beautiful emotions.

I say all that to say, this is what happens in life. We face many obstacles and challenges when we set goals for ourselves. Sometimes in reaching for those goals, we get discouraged. We want to give up. We want to cave in. It's so much easier to walk away than to keep going. Fear gets the best of us, the rain deters us but we have to remember that "The race is not given to the swift" Ecclesiastes 9:11. God is there with us along the way, handing us water so to speak, encouraging us just like the volunteers saying "you can do it", "great job", "don't give up".

We may not always finish first but indeed we are all winners. Let us not get so caught up in the competitive nature of the race that we forget why we are running. The most important thing is to finish... and to finish strong!

The Ultimate Band-Aid

My 3 year-old son's medicine cabinet has several boxes of band-aids... plain, colorful, small, large, circle, square and even some superheros. He asks for band-aids even when there's no tear on the skin, no blood shed, no nothing... if there's a "boo boo", a band-aid is requested and/or he asks, "Mommy, can you kiss it to make it better?"

It's amazing how parallel this is with how we are as adults. We are so quick to put a band-aid on our emotional pain. Some of us are putting band-aids on cuts that require stitches then wondering why our wounds aren't yet healed. When bleeding non-stop or internally, it generally means more specialized medical attention is required. On the other end of the spectrum, some of us simply ignore our pains because we think that if we don't acknowledge it, the pain is numbed or its somehow less real. And some of us pick and poke at a wound so much that we don't even give it time or allow it to heal.

I have a scar on my right wrist that everyone thinks is a birth mark but when I was 4 years old, I burned myself on a kerosene heater. I have a small slit/indention above my right eye from when I was about 6 years old, I ran into the door as my cousin slammed it shut causing the lock on the door knob to cut me. There's a cut mark on my right thumb from when I tried to use a sharp knife to open up some green slime out of one of those plastic bubble gum balls. And I can't even begin to mention all the tomboy scars on my legs from chicken fighting on the monkey bars, popping wheelies & doing tricks on dirt bikes, playing hood basketball or racing. I don't try to hide any of my scars because they give character... they tell a story & I actually learned something from them. I doubt I got close to that kerosene heater again and if I needed help opening slime, I learned to just ask someone for help. Hood basketball taught me how to be a better player but as for the popping wheelies & doing tricks on dirt bikes, I couldn't stop myself because the bigger the scar, the cooler it was especially for a girl. LOL

Our emotional pain also tells a story. We don't have to hide the scars but share them. Our testimony can help deliver other people but we first have to accept our own deliverance & truly move forward. When God delivers us from a situation, we shouldn't question it or look backwards but accept peace, continue in faith and embrace the journey. We may continue to acquire bruises & scars but what a blessing & assurance to know that God is a healer. Isaiah 53:4-5 says, "Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."

Thank you Jesus for every pain, every bruise, every scar, every wound because as much as it hurt, it helped. Most importantly, thank you Jesus for deliverance, for healing, for kissing every boo boo and making it better & for simply being The Ultimate Band-Aid.

I Know I've Been Changed

In my best LaShun Pace singing voice… “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Knoooowww I’ve Been Changed.”

Change is good, so they say. Perhaps whether it’s good or bad is situational. I believe that change has to come from within and one has to change for themselves and not for anyone else because that is the only way change will last. We go through many changes in our lives because of course as we grow, we change. Our experiences change our lives one way or the other. They shape us into becoming who we are & give us reasons for why we do the things that we do; why we respond to certain things in the manner in which we respond.

I remember after having my son or actually even during my pregnancy, Jayden’s dad would often say that I wasn’t the same person anymore. Admittedly, I wasn’t and haven’t been since… when life is growing inside of you & you realize the huge responsibility of parenting and the miraculous blessing that God has given you in carrying, birthing, and raising a child, it’s unimaginable that one would not change.

Still a work in progress but I also know that my walk with Christ has changed me. Things don’t bother me or consume me like they used to. I don’t have to cuss folk out or prove myself to anyone (but do not get it twisted because I still know how to put somebody in their place). When people are telling lies about me, I just keep telling the truth about them. I don’t perseverate on things I have no control of. I don’t concern myself with people who are not concerned about me. I pray for them & keep it moving. I cannot control other folk, I can only control my response to their behaviors. I am quick to dismiss people, even without explanation. I do as my Grandma used to say, “feed them with a long handle spoon.” Building a stronger relationship with Christ has certainly brought about positive changes in my life… I got peace y’all and if you know like I know, ain’t nothing like PEACE (“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7)

I’m only 32 years old & in comparison to so many other folk, I probably haven’t been through anything in my life. But the things that I have gone through have changed me & molded me into the person that I am today. If I had never been heartbroken, I probably wouldn’t love so hard. If I had never lost someone I deeply love, I probably wouldn’t appreciate life. If I had never been hurt, I probably wouldn’t be strong. If I never had to shed some tears, I probably wouldn’t appreciate joy (joy is on the inside and can’t nobody take that from you). Maya Angelou says, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

There have been situations in my life, too personal to mention in this blog, that I know that I know that I know that it wasn’t nobody but God who brought me through. I believe that it is absolutely impossible to experience a true encounter with God and remain unchanged. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Often times when we change, people want to remind us of who we used to be; how we used to behave & things we used to do and all the mistakes we've made in life. People want to talk about change in a negative way. They always got something smart to say about who they think we’ve become or how we must think we are all that now. Good thing I LOVE HATERS… just lets me know that I’m doing something right ;)

I know I’ve been changed & I thank God for the work that He is doing in me every day. I may just be a lump of coal… but one day, I’m gonna be a diamond.