Damaged (but useable) Goods

Approximately 1.5 years ago, I was at Monkey Joe's with Jayden, my niece Nevaeh, my line sister and her son. The kids played until their heart's content (as usual). As we approached the parking lot, I discovered that someone had hit the side bumper of my car. There was no note, no information, nothing to be done because whomever hit my car decided to keep it moving. I contacted my insurance company & within the week visited a local body shop. The body shop could of course repair the damages but it would cost $2500. I thought to myself, how in the world could something that appears fairly minimal cost so much?! Now I didn't have to pay the $2500 in full because my insurance covered it. However, I was expected to pay a $250 deductible. I could have paid the deductible but the stubborn part of me was simply aggravated and determined not to because it wasn't my fault (insert pouty face). I didn't cause the damages so why should I be responsible for the costs of the repairs?! Granted, the damages are not severe. There isn't even really a dent just wide white scratches on the side bumper by the light. Initially, just looking at it bothered me because I pride myself on taking good care of my belongings so especially when other people damage my things, I become upset. But the more that time passes, it is less of an issue. Most of the time, I don't even notice it and my perspective about it has changed... I believe it makes my car stand out from all the hundreds of other blue Camrys that I see on the road; perhaps it even adds a little character. Besides, it is cosmetic. The car still drives the same. Nothing is wrong with the tires. The lights work. The engine and transmission are in optimal condition. No issues with brakes or alignment. The damage that occurred was external but internally, the car is still going strong. It is still being used to get from point A to point B. Fact of the matter is, it could've been worse. At the end of the day, the car is damaged; not destroyed. So over the past year and a half, I've accepted that it may have a few scratches but that's okay. For some reason the other day, this came to the forefront of my mind. I thought about how this relates to us as people. We are all damaged goods in a sense. At different points throughout time, we have allowed others (and some without our permission) to come into our lives and create damage; attempt to scar us with their own issues & to say and do things to leave a negative residue on us for others to see. And truth be told, some of our pains and damages are self inflicted. No matter what is done or attempted, these are external forces. God deals with us on the inside. The heart is still beating, blood is still flowing through our veins, our internal organs are functioning, we are breathing... which means that we are alive. Everything else is secondary. We may very well be damaged, but we are not destroyed. And because of what we have gone through; the damages that we have incurred (God building our character), He wants to use us even more. So always remember, while we may be damaged goods... God is dealing with the inside. Just like my car which is still driveable, we are still very much useable :) And the bonus to it all... Jesus has not only already paid the cost for the damage but He has the ability and power to complete all the repairs.

2012 in Review

2012 has been a challenging year to say the least... a testimony will be shared... in His time. I may not understand some things right now but what I am certain of is that the Lord IS on my side & despite the obstacles placed in my way, my faith is not waivered. I am beyond grateful to God for showing me myself, revealing the goodness and/or deceptions of others, and teaching me the hard lessons that have or will be turned into beautiful blessings. I never make New Year's Resolutions because I believe that it is important to always be in a constant state of growth; and that growth doesn't start on a specific date. I simply resolve to continue to be who I am & strive all the more to become everything God has destined & purposed for my life. I declare 2013 to be a year of great expectations, positive experiences, growth and increase on all fronts. I wholeheartedly believe & receive that God has promised me beauty for the ashes. Here's to wishing each and everyone a prosperous, peaceful and joyful 2013. May the Lord bestow an abundance of blessings on your lives.

Letter to my Son

Dear Jayden... You have not only given me the name Mommy but because of you, I am an even better woman. Every day that God allows me to breathe, I will spend it cooking breakfast for dinner, reading the same book over and over again, playing endless games of basketball & baseball, or hanging out at Monkey Joe's allowing you to jump until your heart's content... not just because you love those things but because I love you. I pray that I am helping to create the best life that I can for you & that I am teaching you about hard work, honesty/integrity, family, faith in God... and most importantly about the greatest love of all... Jesus. Thank you for making me laugh out loud on some days that I want to cry. Thank you for the tightest hugs and the sweetest kisses. Thank you for being so candid & blount while in your own little way reminding me to appreciate the simple things in life. I love you to pieces Jayden. I am ever so grateful that God thought enough of me, to give me you. Being a Mommy is hard work but I wouldn't change anything about our lives because despite the stretch marks, being awakened at 7am on Saturday morning, or any sacrifices that have been made, YOU make it all worthwhile. Happy Mother's Day... to me :) ... With Immeasurable Love, Mommy

God is STILL in Control

2012 (maybe even slightly before that) came in with a bang... seems that life has truly been happening to me & not exactly in the greatest of ways. Nevertheless, I am thankful to be alive because I recognize that some folk didn't get that opportunity this year or even this morning. It was my intention to send a Happy New Year blog as well as a Valentine's Day blog but I've been so busy with work, school, Jayden, & DST that I have very little time for much else. Admittedly, I have neglected myself in many areas -- hitting the gym, writing, open mics/poetry (being in my element) and just having real down time. There are friends whom I haven't spoken with or spent time with, certainly not due to lack of love. I'm behind on most things & have been playing catch up; a paper due tomorrow for class and one past due that I didn't turn it yet plus I have notes/documentation to complete for work. I took 4 days off of work week before last to "gather myself" and outside of finding a new school for Jayden & joining a new gym, I did absolutely nothing but lay on my couch most days. Physically, my body has been trying to catch up with all the other aspects of my life that have been moving quite quickly & with unexpected challenges. I have been mentally and emotionally drained. For those who know me well know that generally speaking, I am not a cryer at least not about my own personal issues. But one Friday night while Jayden was with his dad and I alone with a pounding headache, stomach ache, heart racing and feeling like I was having an anxiety attack -- literally laid flat on my back on my living room floor & found myself crying uncontrollably. It wasn't even clear exactly what I was crying about except that I was overwhelmed for many reasons & exhausted on many levels.

I think back on past situations that have occurred in my life that were difficult to understand and go through at the time but by the grace of God, I did so I have to remind myself that if He did it before, surely He will do it again. And back then, my relationship with Christ wasn't nearly as strong as it has become now. I don't just know the Lord because of what my Grandma told me or what I heard at church but because I've experienced Him for myself & His word penetrates to my soul; lives deeply on the inside of me. Besides that, if it never rained, how would I grow? I realize that there will be challenges in life. At the end of the day, I will stand triumphant over any challenges that confront me; big or small.

Many times I write these blogs NOT about myself personally but generally speaking about life or maybe even about something someone else is going through & has shared with me. But today, I am indeed writing about myself. I am always willing & eager to empower, uplift, & encourage others but sometimes I need those same things for myself. I realize though that its so necessary to just breathe... take time for myself.. because its impossible to be good to anyone if I'm not good to myself. I look at my son every day... he warms my heart, gives my life so much purpose. He motivates me to press forward despite whatever the circumstances, despite however fatigued or discouraged I may feel because it is not only my responsibility or obligation to him as his mother but it is my personal goal/desire to give him the best life that I can possibly give. Truly, I love that kid like I love my next breath!

A friend's Facebook status a little while ago stated, "GOD can't be GOD if you're always trying to play HIS position. KNOW YOUR ROLE". As clearly stated in my blog site title, I am a major control freak. I try to control every single thing when the fact of the matter is, I can't. When things are going well, God is in control. When things aren't going well, God is still in control. In the grand scheme of things, if my life were equivalent to a movie, while I may be the leading actress, God is the writer, producer, director... He coordinates the cast of characters included in the story as well as their duration in the film.

My faith is not wavered. My love for Him grows stronger each day. I've accepted that its okay for me to cry sometimes because even in my brokenness, I am made whole simply because of God's unconditional love & care for me. I will praise Him in good times as well as in the storm. I pray that you all know Him for yourself & trust in his perfect plan. Despite whatever the circumstances, He is still very much in control.

The Power of Words & Prayer

Something happened yesterday that gave me a greater understanding of the power of words. An old friend of mine called to catch up. Shortly into our conversation, she revealed that her teenage son was recently diagnosed with Leukemia. My heart immediately sank & tears began to fall from my eyes. Nevertheless, she was so upbeat & so much of her "normal" self even asking me not to cry; reassuring me that everything is going to be all right. She shared how recent this occurred & the series of events surrounding it all and hearing the story, anyone would realize that God is truly in the midst. Odd thing is she wasn't necessarily calling to inform me of her son's health status. However, she was calling because I had not blogged or sent out a "THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK" in a while. She shared with me how she looks forward to receiving those emails because its so inspiring & encouraging. She told me that I was gifted... from on high... and this made me cry even more (as I cry just in writing this). Writing for me has always been a therapeutic release. Even on Facebook & Twitter, I make a conscious effort to post positive status updates because I know that there is always someone out there who needs an encouraging word. And I believe my "THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK" is a word given to me from God to share with others. When I write, my prayer is for the Lord to use me. So many people have recently requested certain topics, inquired about when the next one is coming or like this person, told me how inspirational these writings are to their lives. As flattering as it is, I can't take the credit because I know that it is indeed a gift. I truly thank God for allowing me to be a vessel. In saying all of that, I think it's so important that we are mindful of our exchanges with people & how we use our words. The Bible says "Life & death is in the power of the tongue" Proverbs 18:21.

I also believe in the power of prayer. All too often, people come to us with heavy hearts and problems & we say, "girl, I'm gonna be praying for you" or "you are in my prayers". And while we have good intentions, we may actually forget to seriously pray for them. One of my best friends, Trasha, will stop what she's doing and say a prayer for you like nobody's business. And so will my line sister Chariss... Yesterday, I was so emotional from the call, I hung up with my friend without praying with her so I ask you all to pray with me as I pray for us all...

Mighty, Awesome, Amazing God
I humbly come to you with Thanksgiving & praise in my heart
Thanking you for this yet unpromised day
Thank you for the usage of my limbs, a beating heart, & blood flowing through my veins Jesus
I'm just so thankful that my name is not in the obituaries this morning Father
I thank you for the happy, healthy child you've given me
Thank you for being Jehovah Jireh, my provider -- food on the table, roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, & a job to go to every day
Thank you for surrounding us with positive energy, keeping us safe from hurt, harm & danger
Protecting us physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually
Lord God I just thank you for simply being who you are & doing what ONLY you can do

Precious Savior I pray that you touch every heart aligned with mine in prayer
Bless each & every soul God
Help us to be encouraged & know that despite whatever the circumstances may be, we must have faith in knowing that you are in control of ALL things
God give us the strength & the wisdom to lead our children by example because not only do they hear what we say but most importantly they see what we do
Let us all be reminded to show kindness to one another in our daily interactions because we never know the struggles that someone else is facing

Restore those who are broken
Renew their spirits with unspeakable joy
Rejuvenate their souls from deep within that they may walk in confidence & peace
Resurrect the life that they are living so that they aren't living dead God because there are so many of us being held in spiritual captivity & emotional bondage Lord

Bless those who can't help themselves
Bless our children Jesus
Bless our economy that more people may have jobs & be able to provide for their families
Bless those out in the street who may not have a home to go to every night
Bless all of your children Father
Bless our President that he may continue to lead our nation with integrity & decency
Bless our Pastors that they may lead us in the proper ways of following you God

Father God I especially pray for my friend's son
I pray that you heal his body from Leukemia and any other ailments that plague him
Restore him to optimal health; better than even before God
Please allow him to enjoy his young life & to have the opportunity to grow into a man
And while he's in & out of the hospital, please keep his spirits high
May there always be a smile on his face & may he know you for himself Lord
Comfort & encourage his family; especially his mom & dad as they press through this difficult time

Gracious God please help us to all be better people
Help us to embrace the purpose that you have set for our lives & to never forget that our destiny is greatness
Although we may not always understand, help us to accept your perfect will

Lord God I thank you for your son Jesus...
I thank you for his life, his death, & his resurrection
Help us to LIVE as reflections of the one who DIED for us
We thank you for everything you've done, everything you're doing & we thank you in advance for the abundance of blessings to come
We pray to continue to be recipients of your love, grace, & mercy Father
These and all other blessings we ask in the MATCHLESS name of Jesus

Amen.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is such a wonderful time of year. While there are some grinches, most people appear to be in the Christmas spirit. This time of year is somewhat difficult for me because 6 years ago, my Grandma was called home to be with the Lord. And while I understand that she couldn't live forever, selfishly, I just wish she was still here with me. Nevertheless, I enjoy spending time with my family & most especially watching Jayden open presents & play. A couple of years ago, I started a tradition of having a cake that says "Happy Birthday Jesus" and teaching Jayden about why we celebrate Christmas (the birth of Christ). We light candles on the cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. While I am aware of the technicalities of the fact that December 25th is a man made date of celebration & not the actual date that Christ was born, it is universally celebrated as such. Next year, when Jayden is 5 & has a better understanding of things, he will pick some of his gently used toys to donate to kids in a shelter. Its so important that he is taught the true meaning of Christmas... that its not all about toys, Santa, and getting things but about giving, love, family and most importantly Christ. How would you like it if on your birthday, everyone got presents but you? How would you like it if on your birthday, a party was thrown in your honor but you didn't get invited? Let us all be reminded of who we are celebrating today.

"For unto us, a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is and has always been my favorite holiday. It's a time for family; a time to spend with the people we love most. What an incredible & delicious bonus that this day is spent feasting on a spread of fried turkey, baked turkey, ham, dressing, gravy, macaroni & cheese, collard greens, green bean casserole, candied yams, potato salad, deviled eggs, chicken pastry, sweet potato pie, banana pudding, german chocolate cake, and carrot cake (Yep, that's what we had LOL). As tasty as all that was, its the love & laughter that means the most.

There are so many things I am thankful for:
** life, health & strength
** having a relationship with God because if I didn't know the Lord, I'm not sure where I would be...
** my son Jayden who is very happy, healthy, & turns 4 years old next week :)
** Jesus because he thinks I'm "to die for"
** My Heavenly Father who gives me unconditional love
** brand new mercies every day
** my family who despite whatever issues we may have make me happy to be a Morgan & proud to have some of Cora Mae's blood running through my veins
** employment in a troubled economy -- roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, cars to drive
** "The 77 Wonders" & all of my Sorors of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
** Body of Christ Church family
** true friends... you know who you are..
** the gifts that God has given me; the direction & instructions that He has given me to use those gifts
** discernment, deliverance, & forgiveness
** peace... Ain't nothing like it. (Philippians 4:7)
** love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
** poetry, REAL music, art, laughter, running barefoot in the country on a hot summer day, fried green tomatoes, Grandma's wisdom, priceless memories... all the simple & beautiful things in life

I could go on and on writing about the countless things & ways for which I am thankful. If I had 10,000 tongues it still wouldn't be enough to express the sincere gratitude and thanks that I hold in my heart. Let us all make sure that we do not wait until Thanksgiving to show our thanks ;)

"For every mountain YOU brought me over, for every trial YOU have seen me through, for every blessing -- hallelujah... for this Lord, I give YOU praise."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!