Let Me Clear My Throat

Our involvement/relationship with someone should be based on our own personal interactions with that person... NOT the interactions and opinions shared from another person. We must form our own thoughts. Go with what we've seen for ourselves and not what we've heard. And if we have an issue with a person, instead of throwing shade... confront them directly; have a mature and open conversation. If a person humbles themselves enough to come to us offering an apology or to clear up a misunderstanding... accept that it is done in love and learn to leave it there. We are never ALWAYS right. When we truly love or care about someone, admit our wrongs or accept responsibility for our role. It's funny how we have a hard time facing ourselves & get ghost on the truth. Are our minds so limited when it comes to basic logic & reasoning? Are our hearts so fickle that we cannot love & be objective? Are our friendships & bonds so generic that we can discard them like yesterday's trash? We must remember that our encounters with one another can offer hurt or healing, hatred or love, defeat or encouragement, chaos or peace, anger or forgiveness. Which will you choose? #humbled #lessonslearned #aBETTERme #IamFREE

Love Yourself

I think it's safe to say that there have been times in everyone's lives when perhaps we didn't love ourselves enough... or let me rephrase that, perhaps we didn't show ourselves enough love. I often times say that love is a verb. It is not just a feeling or emotion that resides deep within our hearts but in order to love (or show love), we must DO something. Admittedly, I have not always made the best choices when it comes to romantic love or even friendships. But anyone who truly knows me knows that when I love, I love hard. Honestly, I don't know how to be any different and not quite sure that I want to be any different. Despite the heartaches, my experiences have taught me valuable life lessons so it is not all in vain. For that, I owe a debt of gratitude to those who have rendered (whether purposely or unintentional) hurt & harm to my heart. The past year of my life has been rather trying. For many reasons. I take full ownership and responsibility for my role in the trying times. However, it allowed me to see myself, deal with myself accordingly & make the adjustments necessary in order to demonstrate (put into action) a true love for me that aligns with my love for God as well as His love for me. I allowed myself some much deserved time & space from certain people or situations in order to have more time & intimacy with God. No distractions, no temptations; not allowing anything to cloud my judgment, intrude on my positive space or cause me to second guess all I know to be true. Just me & God. I have given all of myself in the name of love (often times too much) but now is MY time. Too many times I have placed the needs of others before my own. Too many times I have sacrificed myself for other folk's happiness. Too many times I have allowed my love for others to overpower my common sense. So for the past year, I have truly been praying & calling out to the Lord about many things. One of them being love. I could share everything that God has told/reminded me of but there probably isn't enough space on this blog to clearly articulate it all. What I will say though is that I love me some me! The good, the bad, the ugly... it is who I am and/or who I was and it has helped me to become a much better person. I love my boys more than imaginable. There is nothing that I won't do for them. While I know they will experience their own hurts and pains throughout this journey of life, if I could, I would take it for them. As I'm sure most parents can say, the love we have for our children is somewhat inexplainable. I love them like I love my next breath. When I think about how much I love my children, I have a greater understanding of God's love for me (although I probably cannot fully comprehend just how much he loves me). John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life". Truly, is there any love greater than that? With that being said, I realize the need to show myself a greater love. Not that I haven't loved myself but the action attached to the feeling should be clearer in my every day living & choices. So I make no apologies for using this past year to not only fall deeper in love with myself, but fall deeper in love with the Lord. I pray to be an example of love for Jayden & Jonah, that I may teach them about Christ's love for us & that they will know how important it is to love themselves actively & intensely. While it is good to be loved by others, whether or not someone loves me or truly demonstrates their love for me is not my concern at this time. At the end of the day, what matters most is that Jesus loves me so much that even before my physical creation, he thought I was to die for. And I'm glad about it!!! So today, I simply encourage you all to love yourselves. Not a little bit. Not half way. Not sometimes. Love yourself... daily. Fully. Completely. And unapologetically.

Damaged (but useable) Goods

Approximately 1.5 years ago, I was at Monkey Joe's with Jayden, my niece Nevaeh, my line sister and her son. The kids played until their heart's content (as usual). As we approached the parking lot, I discovered that someone had hit the side bumper of my car. There was no note, no information, nothing to be done because whomever hit my car decided to keep it moving. I contacted my insurance company & within the week visited a local body shop. The body shop could of course repair the damages but it would cost $2500. I thought to myself, how in the world could something that appears fairly minimal cost so much?! Now I didn't have to pay the $2500 in full because my insurance covered it. However, I was expected to pay a $250 deductible. I could have paid the deductible but the stubborn part of me was simply aggravated and determined not to because it wasn't my fault (insert pouty face). I didn't cause the damages so why should I be responsible for the costs of the repairs?! Granted, the damages are not severe. There isn't even really a dent just wide white scratches on the side bumper by the light. Initially, just looking at it bothered me because I pride myself on taking good care of my belongings so especially when other people damage my things, I become upset. But the more that time passes, it is less of an issue. Most of the time, I don't even notice it and my perspective about it has changed... I believe it makes my car stand out from all the hundreds of other blue Camrys that I see on the road; perhaps it even adds a little character. Besides, it is cosmetic. The car still drives the same. Nothing is wrong with the tires. The lights work. The engine and transmission are in optimal condition. No issues with brakes or alignment. The damage that occurred was external but internally, the car is still going strong. It is still being used to get from point A to point B. Fact of the matter is, it could've been worse. At the end of the day, the car is damaged; not destroyed. So over the past year and a half, I've accepted that it may have a few scratches but that's okay. For some reason the other day, this came to the forefront of my mind. I thought about how this relates to us as people. We are all damaged goods in a sense. At different points throughout time, we have allowed others (and some without our permission) to come into our lives and create damage; attempt to scar us with their own issues & to say and do things to leave a negative residue on us for others to see. And truth be told, some of our pains and damages are self inflicted. No matter what is done or attempted, these are external forces. God deals with us on the inside. The heart is still beating, blood is still flowing through our veins, our internal organs are functioning, we are breathing... which means that we are alive. Everything else is secondary. We may very well be damaged, but we are not destroyed. And because of what we have gone through; the damages that we have incurred (God building our character), He wants to use us even more. So always remember, while we may be damaged goods... God is dealing with the inside. Just like my car which is still driveable, we are still very much useable :) And the bonus to it all... Jesus has not only already paid the cost for the damage but He has the ability and power to complete all the repairs.