In Loving Memory

(singing)
There's a bright side some..where
There's a bright side some..where
Don't you rest un... til you find it
There's a bright side some..where

When choirs wore robes & before praise teams were established, there were the little old ladies who sat on the front 2 pews on the left hand side of (the old) Malaby's Crossroad Baptist Church (the one with the bright red carpet, red cushioned pews, and a picture of Rev. G.A. Jones Sr. hanging on the wall). These women, adorned with hats, dressed in their 2 piece skirt suits, never without panty hose and pocketbooks sang without instruments but with clapping their hands, stomping their feet and the occasional tambourine -- a melody that had a way of aligning with every heart. There may have been about a dozen of them... each of whom had a song. Ms. Mary King always sang "C'mon in the Room", Ms. Lucille Garner always sang "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms", and my Grandma, Cora Mae Morgan always sang "Bright Side". I can still hear her singing...

I will go to my secret closet
I will fall down... on my knees
I will talk to, my Heavenly Father
Just as much as, I please

I can still see her...the beauty mark that sat on her right cheek, the wrinkled thick brown hands that prepared countless, delicious meals & bandaged many of my tomboy scars, the eyes that had a way making me feel so transparent because she knew everything without me having to say a word. In my dreams, I can feel her arms wrapped around me... the hugs I've missed & desperately needed over the past 5 1/2 years. Hugs & conversations that feel so real, makes me almost wish that I didn't have to wake up & could live in the dream, at least a little while longer...

(singing)
There is more love... some...where
There is more love... some...where
Don't you rest un...til you find it
There is more love... some...where

My Grandma was/is my Shero. She wasn't perfect and probably didn't do everything right... that would be an impossible standard to measure up to. But, in my eyes, she could have done no wrong. She was the epitome of a woman... strong, hard working, honest, and always stood by her children and grandchildren no matter what. I only hope that I can someday be a portion of the woman that she was... and I hope to make her proud of the woman that I am becoming.

(singing)
If you can..not sing like an..gels
If you can..not, preach like Paul
You can tell of, Jesus' goodness
And He died for, us all

Tomorrow would have been her 87th birthday but God saw fit to call her home 5 years ago. Words cannot express how much I miss her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I look at my son & wonder what she would think of him? I especially wish he'd had the opportunity to know her and enjoy her as much as I did. I realize that a lot of people don't get 81 years but my Grandma did. And I realize too that a lot of people don't get 26 years with their Grandma but I did. So while I'm hurt because she isn't here with me physically, she is and will always be with me... deep in my heart.

(singing)
There's a bright side some..where
There's a bright side some..where
I won't rest un... til I find it
There's a bright side some..where


Until we meet again...
RIP Cora Mae Morgan, the BEST Grandma ever!
September 24, 1923-May 1, 2005

Quitters Never Win!

I try to send out some type of inspirational or positive message every week or two. I also post positive messages almost daily on my FB and twitter accounts. But there are some days that I need a little inspiration myself. My week started off kind of rough, 95% of which was work related. For those of you who aren't aware, I have been working in the mental health field for 10 years now. And anyone who has worked 1 year in mental health know how draining this field can be. Heaven knows that I love the children that I serve as well as the parents. But its the politics, paper pushing, and other unecessary nonsense (& even sometimes the parents/kids & other professionals) that make this work so taxing. There are some days, like earlier this week, that I want to quit. If it were not for the fact that there are many reasons for which I am required to produce an income, I definitely would have walked out the door. At the end of the day though, I know I have been chosen to do this work for a purpose.

But if I'm honest, sometimes I just feel burned out. Sometimes I don't want to have to cater to other people, sometimes I don't want to have to help find solutions to other people's problems, sometimes I don't even want to have to hear about other people's problems. Because sometimes this work makes me feel as if I am expected to possess superhuman capabilities that I do not have.

And it never fails that when one part of my life is not going the way I would like for it to go, I began to overanalyze every other aspect of my life which creates this feeling of being completely overwhelmed when in all actuality, everything is just fine. So with that being said, Monday and Tuesday had me feeling some kind of way... like quitting a lot of things. Thankfully I'm not so impulsive to up and quit my job. And although sometimes things seem difficult, as such is life, it doesn't give me permission to give up or quit working toward my goals & dreams. Besides, when obstacles & trials present themselves &/or the enemy attempts to make me feel defeated, I realize that it simply means that God must have amazing blessings in store! I cannot lose my focus and must press forward. So I took a moment to breathe & pray and needless to say, I got my 2nd wind back on today :)

As some of you know, I have enrolled in Graduate School and start classes next month -- books have been purchased, decal and student ID are in my posession so it is totally official! (SN: Pray for me because it has been almost a whole decade since I have been in school). I am excited about this new endeavor & even more excited about the new opportunities & possibilities that this brings; not just for myself but for my son and his future. I attended new student orientation on last night and one of the Admissions Counselors shared a poem of motivation & inspiration with us that I truly needed, not just in regard to school but in general so I want to share that with you all (which may sound familiar) & perhaps it will bless you as much as it blessed me.

Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging, seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
When you want to smile but have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow
Success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt
You never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.
(Author Unknown)

As the saying goes, quitters never win & winners never quit.... Are you a quitter or are you a winner? ;)

Taking Inventory

My Blackberry has been giving me issues for a couple of weeks now -- Calling random people on my phone list, not ringing which causes me to miss calls & texts, buttons getting stuck and being as tempermental as all technological gadgets can be. So I've been meaning to back up my Blackberry on my computer, in case I had to get a new phone (which I did) so I wouldn't lose all of my information. Problem was, I couldn't find my Blackberry USB chord to connect the phone to my lap top. So this weekend I decided to stop & take the time to actually look for my Blackberry chord. As I was looking through my things -- in my closet, dresser drawers, nightstand, under everything, behind everything, etc. I found several items that I thought I'd lost. I had even begun to find items that weren't ever really lost but that I forgot that I had, items that in the back of my mind were on a mental list of things I need to purchase. Now for those of you who really know me, you know that I am super organized and neat so it wasn't that things in my home had been in such disarray that I couldn't find these items. However, it was that I simply had somehow overlooked them. So I found myself sort of taking an inventory of all the things that I actually have and making a mental note that I don't have to actually go out and replace or obtain those items after all.

And I think that we all often times make the mistake of convincing ourselves that we don't have things that we need in our every day lives. We think we need love, we think we need peace, we think we need forgiveness but we already have it. We think we've run out of hope so we stop believing, we think we have run out of strength so we're ready to give up, we think our joy is gone so we remove our own happiness from our hearts, we don't see ourselves as confident so we shy away from our goals out of fear... when really and truly, if we dare to take a closer look... when we conduct a true inventory of ourselves internally, we are already equipped with everything that we need. Psalm 139:13-14 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well".

We must acknowledge all that we posess within ourselves. Stop for a moment and take an inventory of your life. What do you really have? And most importantly, how are you going to use it?