Save Yourself

Usually when we see someone drowning it's our natural inclination to try to rescue them. Flailing in the water, screaming, crying... we jump in to grab them before they're swallowed up by the waves and ripples. But have you ever noticed that sometimes people don't really want to be rescued? They'd prefer to stay where they are kicking, screaming and struggling. The closer you get to them, the more unsteady and unbalanced you become. You begin to no longer be able to tread water. All of their splashing covers your clear vision and the loudness of their wailing attempts to drown out God's voice speaking to your life. As harsh as it may sound, before we set out to rescue others, we must first assess the situation to determine the safety risks. We must also acknowledge our own skills and deficits asking "Am I even a good enough swimmer for this?". We must be careful that the hand we grab to pull up doesn't pull us down. Now don't mistake what I'm saying here. I believe in helping others as evident in my current occupation and every day living. However, I have learned that helping others should not come at the expense of myself. Sometimes in certain situations or with certain people, all we can do is stand by and call in reinforcement (God through prayer). Jesus already died on the cross to "save" us. God is the ultimate rescuer. So learn to pray for others and SAVE YOURSELF. No need in 2 people drowning.

Transform Your Pain into Power

Jonah, my littlest one (3 years old) has moderate-severe Eczema which mainly effects his knees, elbows, and ankles. We’ve tried every ointment, both over the counter and prescription as well as oral medications to help relieve some of the pain associated with Eczema. Some work for a while but then it appears that his body adjusts and we are then forced to switch to something different. At times, he will insist on simply scratching, even until it bleeds, instead of allowing us to use creams or ointments. It occurred to me one day when he was resisting treatment that he had become used to the pain. And that troubled me in more ways than one. It prompted me to think about how we get used to the pain in our lives. There are situations that I have found myself in as an adult, although painful, I resisted treatment or resolution. The pain had become so repetitive and so familiar that I could anticipate the onset of it’s arrival. Further, I knew how long it would last and even then I knew approximately how much time would span before the cycle repeated itself. In retrospect, it makes no sense why I allowed the pain but my guess is that #1. Sadly, the pain was familiar and expected and some twisted part of me would rather deal with the devil I knew versus the one I didn’t. #2. There was a part of me that simply did not feel worthy of something better. In my prayers, I realized that what I had been asking God for in regard to the remedy for my pain was not His will for my life. I began to pray differently which allowed me to begin to see things differently. Once my vision was clearer and in alignment with God’s vision for me, I could actually feel myself separating from the pain and allowing healing to take place. I read Matthew 11:28 that says, “If you are tired of carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest”. I had to question myself and ask why the sense of unworthiness? Which lead me to scriptures like Psalm 139:13-14, John 3:16, Jeremiah 29:11, John 15:16, and one of my favorites Luke 12:6-7 which reads, “ Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows”. I had to remind myself that I am the daughter of a King which means I AM worthy of all things great & extraordinary. In our most painful and difficult situations, we hold the power to allow pain to either break us or make us. We do not have to become accustomed to pain when God has already given us the remedy through Jesus. Though we may endure for a little while, it is written in Psalm 30:5, “Weeping may endure for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning”. Whether it’s the pain of your physical weight, the pain of an unhealthy relationship, the pain of your financial situation, or the pain of going into a job that you hate every day; please do not become comfortable with and accustomed to your pain. I would much rather accept the pain of attempting change than to suffer the pain of remaining the same. Make your experiences a platform to help others. Share your struggle, share your story with others who may in turn find strength to remove themselves from similar pains. Allow the pain to inspire, motivate, and lead you more into your Divine purpose. I pray today that you recognize your pain as temporary and understand that God’s promises are forever and Amen. Let your pain have purpose. Transform your pain into power. And remember that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

Spring Cleaning

I began Spring cleaning the week of Spring’s arrival. It’s a yearly ritual. I actually do Winter cleaning as well... but you get the picture. I think it’s important to re-evaluate what we have, determine what is truly being used and decide what is no longer needed. It is absolutely a cleansing process, in more ways than one. Right before Spring, I feel myself getting a little anxious because I know that spring cleaning is coming. Even though, in my head, I’m very aware of the benefits of spring cleaning, I have to prepare my mind and emotions for it. There are boxes of the kids’ paperwork to sort through and I can’t save it all so I have to decide what’s most important. Not to mention the cute little clothes that they’ve outgrown. Do I keep certain pieces just to be sentimental or pass them along to someone who can actually use them? And let’s not talk about my clothes... the ones that are too small that I vow to lose weight to fit again someday. See, the anxiety comes from the reality that I have to face of my children growing up too fast and that I may very well never lose the weight :( My first round of Spring cleaning is complete after 3 gigantic garbage bags of clothes and shoes that the boys and I haven’t worn in quite some time. I even went through the boys’ toys, some of my pocketbooks, and random other things around the house that were not being used. It felt freeing to release myself of these items. After it was out of the house, I realized that these things were just taking up space. Now with it all being gone, I can better appreciate what we already have and it doesn’t feel cluttered. If needed or when needed, we will have the space for more or something even better. It’s so important that we do Spring cleaning. And not just of our physical possessions but of all of the things that clutter our lives with negativity. We have to take inventory of the energies that we are receiving from others into our space and into our spirits. Just as there is no real purpose of having 100 pair of jeans, there is no real purpose to have people in our space who do not mean us well. I get it though. Some of us are afraid to open up that box. Because once we start throwing stuff out, we have to actually do something about it. We have to then feel the pain and hurt of our choices, disappointments and failures, as well as directly address the things that others have done to us. We have to acknowledge our role in what we have allowed. We have to work through the anger and move forward in forgiveness and Lord have mercy sometimes forgiveness is so incredibly hard. This is where Spring cleaning becomes therapy. It is our hope that our love will be enough to transform the unhealthy people in our lives but we have to be honest with ourselves knowing that their transformation has to come from someone greater than us. So when we release them, we have to also free ourselves yet remain prayerful that God will do some Spring cleaning within them (Luke 6:28 “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”) May you learn to treasure what you have and allow yourself the opportunity to receive more. May you see the beauty of this special time of cleansing and allow God to rejuvenate your soul and declutter your spirit. May you accept responsibility for your mess and create a healthy lifestyle that frees you from hoarding unnecessary belongings as well as unnecessary stress, anger, bitterness and those things that are not of God. May you find forgiveness in your heart for those who have littered in your life and lift them up in prayer to your Heavenly Father. Be whole knowing that God is all you need; everything else is secondary. And may you truly discover peacefulness in your time of Spring cleaning (“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace” -- 1 Corinthians 14:33).

Pick Your Battles

Jonah, the 2 year old, is very particular about what he wants to wear. This began last year around his 2nd birthday. Jayden was not like this at 2 years old. Whatever I laid out for him to wear, he put it on with no problems. So initially when this began with Jonah, I was like look dude... you’re going to wear what I said wear because I said so and I’m the Mommy. Well, as our struggles with attire grew each day, I began to realize that I was wasting my time and using unnecessary energy to fight a rather silly battle. Most days Jonah wanted to wear shorts with boots or shorts with Elmo slippers. I decided to allow him to do this during the week since he was just going to the sitter. He may not have been matching and he may have looked as if he were dressed for 2-3 different seasons, but the bottom line was he was dressed and we made it out of the house without either of us having a meltdown. I thought about this yesterday as I found myself expending energy and wasting time trying to fight an unnecessary, silly battle. Here I was going back and forth with someone in text messages throughout the entire day about something that ultimately, doesn’t even concern or bother me. I allowed myself to get all worked up, angry and even throwing jabs. For what? So I had to check myself. I had to remember that I already know the real truth that outsiders don’t see or know. I had to remember my bottom line. And I had to go back to what I know that God has already promised me. Exodus 14:14 came to mind... “The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still.” When I love, I love hard. So the same is true when I’m in fight mode... I fight hard. Usually my fight is because of something or someone I love. It’s extremely important for me to get my points across with examples and facts to support it. There is passion in my fight. It used to bother me when I felt like someone was winning or getting over on me. I had to make sure people knew that I knew what they were trying to do by calling them to the carpet so to speak. Then I realized how much more fun and interesting it is for others to think I’m stupid and watch them play themselves. Besides, everything doesn’t require my attention or response. I believe that we escalate situations in our lives when we become all bothered and worked up. As the saying goes, “you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to”. There are so many battles that I could fight but I choose not to because I know without any doubt that I don’t have anything to prove to anyone. So instead I choose to be still, have peace, pick my battles wisely and allow God to fight for me. I encourage each of you to step back and examine the battles you are currently fighting. Ask yourself 1. what exactly are you fighting for 2. who is the battle benefiting and 3. do you trust God enough to step back and allow Him to fight those battles for you? Reduce your stress by re-evaluating what’s really important. Pick your battles, don’t let your battles pick at you. It’s just that simple.

Show Some Gratitude

As adults, we can sometimes become so busy with life that we lose sight of the basics. However, children have a funny yet simple way of reminding us just what those basics are. My boys say thank you to me all of the time. For every little thing. Even things that I don’t think they need to thank me for like cuddling with them at night, making cupcakes together, or playing at the park. I am their mother. This is what mothers are supposed to do, right? Jonah has been potty training and no kidding y’all, whenever I buy him underwear, he gets so excited and says, “Mommy, awh, you bought these for me? Thank you Mommy!” accompanied with a great big hug and kiss. In my mind, I’m thinking, it’s just underwear but you’re welcome buddy. Jayden is the same way. On our ride home from Five Guys he’ll say, “Thank you for taking us to Five Guys Mommy”. Again, in my mind, I’m thinking... it was just a burger... we had to eat dinner and I refuse to cook today (LOL). Every morning on the way to school/babysitter/work, we pray. If it were not for my habitual tardiness everywhere I go, we would pray at home but that’s besides the point people ;). Sometimes I lead the prayer and sometimes Jayden leads (Jonah hasn’t progressed to all of that yet but we can count on him to holler AMEN). When Jayden prays, he thanks God for everything his little heart can think of; from Jesus dying on the cross for our sins to trees so that we have oxygen to live, animals and plants so that we have food to eat. I’ve heard him thank God that we have a car to get us to church so that we can learn more about Him, shoes on our feet, a home to go to each day and so much more. Sometimes he gets so deep into his thankfulness and expressing his gratitude to God that he doesn’t even bother asking Him for anything. This reminds me to be grateful for all things, big and small. Because just as Jayden realizes that I don’t necessarily have to take them out to eat dinner and just as Jonah realizes I don’t necessarily have to buy him Batman underwear, I realize that God doesn’t have to wake me up in the morning. It’s just that simple. So every morning that my feet hit the floor, the very first words out of my mouth will be “Thank you Lord”. Even when there are prayers that I want God to answer, I hope that I am more like Jayden and get so caught up in my thankfulness that I sometimes forget to utter my requests. We spend so much time complaining about what’s wrong that we don’t express our gratitude for what’s right. We spend so much energy wasting & worrying about things that don’t matter that we lose sight of what really does matter. So take some time to show God some gratitude (Psalm 107:1 -- “Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever.”)for every single thing He has done and is doing in your life because understand, He doesn’t have to do it... but aren’t you glad that He did/does?

He Loves Me (and you)

Jayden is my 8 year old "strong willed" child. He's been that way since I can remember. This often times lands him in trouble both at home and school. Well, one day Jayden hesitantly came to me with tears in his eyes because he had gotten into trouble for doing something that he knew he had no business doing. I already knew what he'd done, but I waited for him to come to me. I'm not sure if what he did actually scared him or if it was his Momma's wrath that worried him, but I saw fear in his eyes as tears poured from his little face. He seemed embarrassed and ashamed of himself. He attempted to muster up the right words to explain himself and apologize in between choppy sentences, squeals and deep breaths. After the response I provided him did not meet his initial expectations of anger and he was able to calm down, he asked, "Mommy, do you still love me?". My answer was simple. "Of course I still love you Jayden. NOTHING in this world could ever make me stop loving you. NOTHING!". I went on to explain to him that sometimes I may be upset or disappointed in his behavior and actions because I know that he is capable of doing better but that doesn't change my love for him. My children mean the absolute world to me. I carried each of them for 9 long, hard months. Before they were even physically present in the world, I loved them. 2 C-sections; one emergency and one scheduled. If you know anything about pain, you know that my body endured a lot of changes before, during and after childbirth. People say that childbirth is the closest that a woman gets to death... and I believe that! I've been to every single doctor's appointment. I take off of work for every illness. I go to almost every school and sports event. I am the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny all wrapped into one. A single kiss of my lips on a "boo boo" makes it all better. Every thing I do, I do for my children. The love that I have for them is immeasurable and without condition. And although they don't realize it yet, I know them extremely well and I'm watching God work in their little lives. Sometimes we forget that God feels this same way, if not deeper for us. There were so many times in my life when I felt like I had really messed up and couldn't fix it. Times when I felt like I had disappointed God to the point that I was outside of His love and safety. But thank goodness that the devil is a liar! He already knows our failures and disappointments, He's simply waiting for us to come to him. Broken, ashamed, hurt... He has the power to heal all of that. He's not angry or seeking to punish us, His love is too strong. The pain that His one and only son Jesus endured on the cross already paid for our sins (John 3:16, Isaiah 53:5). Is there a love greater than this? My former pastor used to say all of the time that it is impossible to out sin the love of God. And I'm glad about it! From the crown of my head to soles of my feet, He loves me. When I'm right or when I'm wrong, He loves me. Through triumphs and failures, He loves me. In spite of all of my wrong doings, He loves me. He knew me and loved me even before my Earthly existence. And He will love me until the end of time. The same is true for each of you. He loves us. Unconditionally. And there's nothing we can do to change that.

Relationship Goals

We all manage different roles which brings about many different relationships. We place a great deal of importance on our connectedness to others. Relationships in general are a central focus of our lives. Every day we invest a considerable amount of energy into our familial and romantic relationships as well as our friendships. If we're married or have a significant other, we schedule date night. If we have children, we schedule play dates. If we need some time out from the spouse and kids, we schedule a night out with our friends. The calendar is always filled with some type of event or activity simply because we value those relationships and have a desire to remain connected to certain individuals whom we deem significant. Our prayer and goal is to see those relationships grow. Although it may not always be a conscious decision, in relationships, we set goals. For example, most of the time when we're dating, we have an end goal of marriage. Even more so, we have a list of goals detailing exactly what we want that relationship to look & feel like. We've all seen the posts on social media with a picture of an old couple holding hands and the subject of the post reads "Relationship Goals" because ideally, this is what we want for ourselves. A lifetime to spend with a special someone who contributes to our happiness, has our best interests and well being at heart, and knows our flaws and (some of) our secrets but loves us anyway. So we often times do whatever it takes to achieve that relationship goal. Building a relationship is an exciting and joyful experience because it's new, we've got butterflies when we see the person, we're having 5 hour phone conversations and can't believe how much we have in common. Over time, we may realize that there are certain things that bother us about the person. Perhaps it's the way that they chew, maybe their views on important issues in life are not up to our standards, or even worse -- Baby Momma/Baby Daddy drama. The relationship then becomes a challenge. Part of us wants to walk away but well, we're already in love so we keep working at it (spending time together, investing money into the relationship, opening up and sharing ourselves); all in the hopes and prayers that we'll begin to be on one accord... or at least 80/20. We are now bonded with this person. Our level of intimacy is deep; they are first in our lives. We can't imagine being without them and feel weird when the day is quickly passing without a visit or conversation. We're exchanging I love you's regularly and demonstrating that love in our actions of faithfulness, trust, commitment, and gratitude for the reciprocating demonstrations of love. In the middle of the day we may even find ourselves daydreaming, laughing or smiling about a particular memory that we recall of that person, something they did or said, or how amazing they make us feel. When we think about the love that person has for us, it's overwhelming and tears trickle from our eyes. Now don't get me wrong when I say this, it's certainly all right to have that type of relationship. The problem is that in setting our relationship goals, we become so consumed with our horizontal relationships (with people) that we forget about our vertical relationship (with God). And not only do we not invest enough of our time, resources, and energy into building and strengthening our relationship with God, we also then expect Him to bless a relationship that we have not invited Him to be apart of (but I digress... that's a separate blog). The Bible says that God is a jealous God. To me that says that He wants to be first in our lives. Psalm 34:7 says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart". That tells me that he wants us to be happy. 1 Peter 5:6-7, Deuteronomy 31:6, and Romans 8:28 clearly tell me that God wants the best for us. The Bible further tells us that we were knit together in our mother's wombs (Psalm 139:13) and that He knows every hair on our heads (Matthew 10:30) which tells me that he knows every good and not so good thing about us yet loves us anyway. He wants an intimate relationship with us (1 Timothy 2:3-4). He doesn't want to be the side piece. He doesn't want to engage with us occasionally, he wants to engage with us daily. This is through our prayer life and reading of his Word. He wants us to love Him and desire a relationship with Him. He doesn't want us to keep Him to ourselves either. He wants us to witness and share about the relationship we have with him, let others know about the goodness of Jesus and the miracles we’ve seen him perform in our own lives. Again, he doesn't want to be the side piece. He wants us to claim him (Matthew 10:33). Just as we do in our relationships when our special someone takes us out or buys us something nice, we should be expressing our gratitude to God for all things, big and small. We should not only be declaring that love for Him in our words but demonstrating that love for Him with our actions of faithfulness, trust, and commitment to serving Him and serving others. He made the ultimate sacrifice by sending his only son Jesus to die on the cross, JUST for us. Undoubtedly, that's true love right there! That's the kind of love that should bring us to tears. As we are developing & strengthening our relationship with God, there will be challenges. Trials will come that will cause us to consider reverting to our old ways or abandoning God because sometimes, truth be told, we may feel abandoned by God in our times of trial. Do not be mistaken, He is always there, extending himself and wanting a relationship with us. We will have break ups, friendships will end, children will leave home, some marriages unfortunately will fail. Our horizontal relationships may for whatever reason no longer exist or become questionable. But let us not be vertically challenged. Let us remember the importance and value of our relationship with God. THAT is the ultimate relationship goal. SN: By the way, at the end of the day, no other relationship will survive if He's not invited.