Unbothered and unapologetic

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself having a real emotional break down. For 2 days, I just couldn't seem to get myself together. Now usually, I schedule time for my pity parties. For example, when I'm dealing with a particular issue, I say to myself, "Ok, you've got until 4:00pm to sulk and then you gotta let it go." And typically, I follow the rules. However, on those 2 days, I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and my pity party time limits went straight out the door. On Wednesday night after a long talk with my mentor, I walked into Food Lion to make a small purchase and while checking out, tears were flowing down my cheeks. As much as I tried to hold it in, I could not. I am sure the cashier wanted to address me but probably just didn't know how. There wasn't even one thing that was bothering me. It was this culmination of everything and everyone that hit me all at once. It started with something small... as it always does and spiraled quickly into first world problems. If I'm totally honest, for the purposes of full disclosure, I am still a little bit tender... still reflecting on a few things. Yesterday, I read and reposted a great meme on social media that said, "You only have so much emotional energy each day. Don't fight battles that don't matter." Those words resonated deeply with me. I am the quintessential over-thinker. The way my brain works and analyzes things would blow your whole entire mind. I realize though that I cannot worry about my relationships with other people beyond being me, demonstrating love to those I care dearly for, praying for and encouraging them & being authentic in my interactions. I cannot control whether or not that is reciprocated. I cannot stress about work and things that I cannot fix. I can only do my best and trust God to be my source. I cannot allow the actions or inaction of others to dictate my mood or tempo. I can only control my response. I cannot expend energy to situations that, in the whole scheme of life, simply do not matter. At the end of the day, my blessings outweigh my problems. And when there is a problem, God always comes through right on time. I'm just so tired of allowing everything and everyone to get the best of me when I should be giving the best to myself. Obviously, no one is using their time or energy being concerned about how they treat me so why should I waste my time and energy trying to figure out why they're treating me some type of way? Moving forward, I vow to trust my gut. To accept what God allows. Be brave. Be bold. Stay focused on my personal goals. Speak my truth & don't take any shit... from NOBODY!!! I will keep my chakras aligned, talk to God daily, mind my own business (per usual), drink water and GROW. The people who have genuine love & concern for me and my boys are welcome to share in our lives. Everyone else can kick rocks with open toed shoes! No fake friends. No negative energy. No unnecessary drama. I'm not here for the shade, the shit show or the pissing contests. And know that if anyone comes to me with some B.S., be prepared for an honest conversation on how you got me all the way fucked up because I'm all the way over it. The closer I get to 40, the less I care about other people's feelings as I am becoming more & more aware with each passing day of how little people care about mine. I will continue to love everyone but my time will only be invested in those who also invest time in me. I deserve the same love that I give. I do NOT deserve to be half loved, sometimes loved, or loved at whomever's convenience. I'm not holding on tight to anyone who doesn't want to hold on tight to me. My release game is strong. Sorry not sorry. Welcome to this season of being unbothered and unapologetic... I caution you to watch your step.